this house

no animals are allowed in this house
except for pets
i stood in the yard and looked up
at the big dipper
the same stars i saw when i was a child
i am childless
or else my children are strangers
i do not travel
i go to the city
i share a bed with a woman
but we do not touch
i work for money
that is insufficient to pay for my rent
and my food and clothing
so i beg borrow and steal
every chance i get
i use credit
which depresses my spirit
i owe more than i will ever repay
i have a degree that is worthless
i make art that is never seen
or sold
i have no hope for anything i haven't
already lost
i bring plants indoors
and forget to water them
i have dreams and visions
of the future which is blank
i have friends who are not friends
i love my lover for all the wrong reasons
the weather is strange we no longer
have four seasons
i feel hypnotized and polarized
disprized and super~sized
in a culture of liars i live my lies
just like all the others
i am finally ready to die
in this house that is not my house

to approximate meaning

despite doubt
a token
at best
not a niche worth defending
or a reason
for being written
a no~show
a wedding's refugee
a landscape that looks undeveloped
from the asphalt road
but ironically the No Trespassing signs
give it away
an utter lack furthermore no music neither
paragraphs that try
to end dead
serious
and solemn
witness this
insanity that died in poverty
at 4 he met with and spoke to
god
one of them anyway
in a vision of delusion
raptured over
with piffle